Are you too important to get off you damn iPhone even in a torrential downpour? Well, here you go
Shut the fuck up and get out of the way umbrella girl
This is the Nubrella. And umbrella for people who have other important things to carry, like their phone, purse, a latte and an over developed sense of entitlement. Admittedly it’s better than those douchebags who walk around with a golf umbrella big enough to shelter most of the denizens on People of Walmart. The only good thing I can think of is the picture of these bubble clad jackasses on the street in Manhattan, bumping into other people, signposts and fire hydrants.
Are you thinking “I’m not very good at selecting Christmas gifts for my dearest friends and family. I wish someone would give me some pointers!” There are lots of guides out there but to be honest they’re kinda mainstream. Screw that noise. You only get one chance to make a good impression but if you play your cards right you can freak out your nearest and dearest for years to come with these gift guides.
But first let’s have some Christmas music to get us in the mood….
So at work we were talking about Alligators in the sewers. Having grown up in a house where reptiles were the pet of choice I don’t see why this is a FEAR. It should be what we all hope for. I think our world would be vastly improved if we had a healthy colony of caimans down in the sewers.
Looks like Lodi NJ after a rain storm
If we had a robust population of alligators in the sewers we could feed them morons and hipsters, improving the lives of countless people. I know it’s from a while back but apparently there are occasional gators in NYC sewers. I know he’s small, but it’s start.
Speaking from personal experience having reptiles as a kid taught me that if you fuck with something that has fangs you deserve what you get. A lesson the served me well later in life. My mother’s Savannah Monitor was only 3 feet long (including tail) and nasty as all get out but I assure you we never had a mouse problem.
not my mother
We did have a problem with a generalized lackluster emotional attachment to others….but that’s a post for another day.
Some things never get old for me. One of them is the terror and magnificance that is *ZARDOZ*
If you’ve never heard of this 1974 masterpiece of horse-shit you’re probably smarter than I am. I won’t write you a review. That’s been done by a man braver than I. But I would like to take an opportunity to turn you to the darkside. This is but a taste of what you will experience if you seek out this “film.”
After watching Sean Connery trade is dignity for what could not possibly be enough money, after witnessing some of the dopeyist psychobabble about sex, violence, class warfare and post-apocalyptic dystopian futures it all boiled down to this horrible image.
What? Seriously? Exactly how much cocaine did it take to churn out this stinking turd of a script? Please state your answer in metric tons.
A friend of mine, yes–laugh it up–I have friends, sent me and email that said…
“Hmm…my ipod shuffle seems to be so fuckin metal right now. I should just grab a random co-worker right now and scream “metal up the ass!!!!” and see how it goes.”
I believe that this is probably one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. Knight Moves is apparently a time travel romance of questionable quality. The excerpts I read were some of the best unintentional comedy I’ve seen in quite a while.
THIS review of the romance novel is genius. This review should be a part of the curriculum at schools of creative writing everywhere. Not sure you want to clicky on the linky? Let me give you a short preview of the review.
I’m not sure what I found most far fetched in this story. Was it the instant acceptance that Louise had of being swept through the urinal time traveling portal? Was it ease at which Louise decides being a whore is something to embrace? Was it the ridiculous love scenes that included “queebs”, references to “lady softness”, “lady fingers”, her “volcanic crotch”? Was it the fact that there was some weird editing glitch wherein Chapter Five included the words “Page Break” at the top. It could have been the fact that her hoo haa was so powerful it could make people immortal.
